Dear you,
I think of these past few years, the first of many that I will go through without you. It's crazy when I realize you weren't part of them. Sometimes I find it difficult to accept that things will be so, not only between us, but also for me.
It is hard to admit that I will have to continue living this life, living with the decisions that I have made and that I cannot turn back on.
Please don't misunderstand me. It is not sad to hear in my words. That stage has passed. I do not feel sad to let you go. I do not feel sad even when the thought of you is in my head. It doesn't hurt me when I imagine you have made it through your life. Of course, I'd be lying if I said that these thoughts make me happy, but at least they don't crush me as they used to, not so long ago.
It is difficult to explain exactly the situation I am in. It is unknown land. Once, you were the lighthouse driving me ashore, giving me confidence and an idea where I could find my home, but that light no longer shines. At least, not for me.
Is it abnormal if I say I'm OK with that? It sounds weird, but it's true. I do not feel good. I don't feel bad. I'm OK. And I think that's the best I can ask for right now. The hardest part is to admit that I never had for you the importance you had for me, not at all.
I don't mean you didn't love me, because I know you did. But again, here we are. I'm sitting here writing this letter and you're ... somewhere. Without me, dealing with your stuff, being the fantastic person you've always been.
I know that I no longer occupy any place in your mind, though you will always have room in my mind and heart.
If anyone would ask me if I passed, I'd say yes. There is no doubt in my mind that I have passed it. I overcame a hurdle that I wasn't sure if I could overcome. I didn't have to go through heartbreak alone. It was all that comes with it. Sorrow. Lack of desire to do something. Bad humor. All those little actions I started to take away, a miserable attempt to convince yourself that you didn't care about me.
But you have. You matter to me more than you think. And worst of all, nothing will change. As long as I continue to be myself, my love for you will never fade away. I don't love you the way Romeo wanted Juliet. I love you like the Moon loves the Sun. While our roads can never be crossed, this will always be the thread that exists and will exist as long as we are.
I've long discussed what love really is ... but now I know. It's about wanting to know about the other. Not because you love it, or because you feel you need it, but because you have no other option to choose from. Whether we remain friends or not, I will always want to know about you.
And would you know what? I feel happy that I want to know so much about you. I'm glad I can feel this way for a person without feeling the need to have his thoughts, his time, his attention, or even his love. I don't need to love me. Not any more. I have come to realize that love itself is what we need. Everything else is a plus, it is more than the minimum needed. In other words, everything else is a gift. And I can't be bothered to not receive a gift from you. After all, a gift is really a gift when they don't expect it to be returned.
But what am I writing this letter for? That's a great question ... I think it's not really about you, it's about me. To tell you the truth, I secretly hope you never read it. You don't need to hear these. You feel good about yourself and I want you to be good about yourself. This letter serves to remind me that the decisions I made, the path I chose to walk and will continue to walk, is the path that I was told to walk.
You made me a better man, then a man I found difficult to get to know. However, I am somewhat better now. You have made me stronger. Smarter. More disciplined. I feelâ?¦ fulfillment. So thanks for all that.
Maybe I'll never get out of my mind, but to be honest, I don't want to forget you. I want this new kind of love I have for you to stay with me. I want to stay as I go on with my life, reach my goals, find someone else to share my life with.
I want my love for you to continue in the years to come because what I am living now is as true as what I was living before. It's something new to me ... but it's true. It's not selfish. It is clean. It's soothing. Life has taught me so much, and although we will not move closer, I am curious to see what other lessons it has to teach.
Forever,
P. Hudson
Source: E.Daily
