A few days ago, I happened to watch a video entitled, "Tougher Parents Have Disciplined Children." I really liked the video. After growing up with a strict mother, I became convinced of the content. When it came to discipline, my mom was one of the people who applied it the most. My sisters and brothers called our mother "Hitler" (now no longer?), We could easily tell the difference in our public behavior toward that of other children around. I am always grateful to my mother for the virtues and values she has instilled in us. So when it came to raising my child, I absolutely accepted the idea of strict parenting.
My baby is a two and a half year old. When she's not busy coloring or looking at a screen, she's busy destroying everything, food, toys, newspapers, clothes, and even shoes. She loves to walk around with my shoes all over the house. This, in turn, makes me go crazy and almost suffer a nervous breakdown.
For nearly a year, I tried to learn to work with my child, but every time I tried, it seemed to me to wait longer for her to understand. Because of all this I began to portray my stricter side so that things could go a bit faster. At first, out of frustration and dislike for the behavior, and later out of habit, I began to rebuke and treat him harshly when my child did not behave disciplined. Soon, her whims became rare. She did not stop the misconduct and mess she made, but there was a marked improvement in her social behavior. She was more aware of the people around her. Rarely does she ask for things (uses her sensory skills to decipher my humor), doesn't take toys to other children, she does not behave badly on the street, does not open whole packs of toys and cleans up the mess she makes (as per my instructions). Yeah, that's a lot for a kid her age!
It took me two times to realize that all this did more harm than good! I am trying to help my baby cope with separation anxiety and have tried quite a few tricks so far. She's responded well, but sometimes she just doesn't want to leave the comfort she feels when she's with me and let me go ... However, she stays well with my mom when I'm out. In one such case, upon returning, I noticed the concern in my mother's voice when she said that this "beloved child" behaved extremely well when I was not around and was a matter of concern. Her theory is that children are supposed to mess around and look for good things, especially when their mother is not there and they have whims when staying with their grandmother! My child's behavior surprised her as the girl behaved very well and didn't bother her grandmother at all. I calmed my mother into thinking that she was doing great in vain, while she herself had taught us discipline and so on.
It almost struck me as a thunderbolt and the real picture was clear. It is believed that once a child starts school, it is the teacher who is closest to the child along with the parents. My child's development card showed this fact. While we were waiting for our moment with the teacher, my daughter was playing with a children's kitchen. At first, she hesitated to touch him. Only after she sought the approval of me and the carer from the school did she dare to touch him. This, again, made me feel proud of the fact that my daughter is very disciplined for her age and that she will never embarrass me publicly. I had a smile on my face and I was happy with myself.
As a first-time mom, I tend to be very observant and extremely caring when it comes to parenting. Unfortunately, my pride and glory was short-lived. My child's development letter shattered my false pompous pride. It said that in my child's development there is room for improvement in the "Taking initiatives" section. After discussing with the teacher, I realized that my child is reluctant to touch or open anything new. She herself does not express a desire for anything unless they are directed to do something.
This seemed like a facial slap to me, how had my child grown up? I was destroying her self-confidence and curiosity. All this time I've been wrong so much. It was at that moment that I realized that by trying to discipline a child, I was inhibiting her ability to imagine, experiment, and explore. I agree that children should behave properly, but not to the extent that they grow older. That day I decided that I would not reprimand my baby for spilling milk, opening toys or spreading her food across the country. It usually takes us about 1 hour at 24 to clean up the mess, but it may take my child then need more than 24 years to regain lost confidence. So I decided I wanted a less disciplined child, but I didn't want a less confident child! I was lucky to find out sooner.
Source: "For Mothers"
