There is no one in the world who has not been alone in such a situation where he has had to overcome life after a separation! The head of a marriage agency, Tamsen Fadal is no exception! She even comes from a painful divorce and has to find a new meaning in life. In her book, "New Singleness, Finding, Adjusting, and Falling in Love with Yourself," she talks about the discoveries people make during this period. There are many important things that people start doing after they break up with their partner. Here are seven of them!
Nothing terrible has happened
In the beginning, you will feel bad about yourself, you will suffer, you will think about the time you spent together and you will tell your friends everything. You will have sleepless nights and lose your appetite. But there will be a moment when you will simply move forward. Tamsen thinks the first 90 days after splitting up with someone are the hardest. They are the "way of survival." She recommends not making hasty decisions, getting rid of things that hurt you, and also paying attention to your appearance and health.
You knew very little about yourself
In relationships people often make so many compromises that they forget what they really want and who they really are. You don’t want to disappoint your partner, so do what he wants on the weekends, and even go on vacation to the places he loves. Well, now is the time to do what you really love. It will probably turn out that you do not like the model of your apartment, that you do not like to cook so much, and you want to go to the beach instead of the Alps where you have gone every year.
Take some time for yourself
Of course, not everyone can go on vacation or to the movies whenever they want! But, you can try a new recipe or meditate at home. Tamsen recommends “saving yourself”. This means that you have to turn off all your electronic devices for an hour and spend this time quietly with yourself. This will give you a chance to breathe and look around.
It’s better to be single than just in a relationship
One of the main reasons why people maintain their relationships is the fear of being alone. The idea of going to the movies, having dinner and just spending the weekends alone is scary and even awful for some. But in fact, we are not afraid to be just physically, but we are just with our thoughts and feelings. Being single is not the same as being single. It is not a disease that you have to treat. This is just an opportunity to learn more about yourself and do whatever you want here and now.
To find the "right person", you need to get rid of the "wrong person" first
The road is over when a goal is achieved ... The same thing works for relationships. Two people meet, they learn something together and when the lesson ends, the relationship becomes useless. Although this moment is usually sad, this is the price of access to the next level of self-development. Before you start a new relationship, make sure it is different from the first.
Now you can do many things
Maybe before you met your partner, you had some dreams or plans, but your life together made you reconsider your priorities. Now nothing limits you and you can make your dreams come true.
You need to be fulfilled to be happy with someone else
It is important to know who you can trust, but it is also important to trust yourself. Say out loud what worries you and it will make you feel better. You can’t find a new boyfriend before you realize what you need and what you want, really.