It all started in a completely innocent way. You had left it with some friends for dinner, but before you went out, you wanted to check the restaurant address. Move the mouse to illuminate the screen of the open laptop and here it was, looking straight in the eye: your partner's inbox. Maybe you closed the window and continued the day. Or maybe, if you’re like most people, you found yourself clicking on an email and before you knew it, you got into the eavesdropping mouse hole.

"Everyone does," a colleague replied when I asked the question in the office last week. The conversation that went on was one of the hottest we've ever had, where everyone was telling a personal anecdote or the story of "a friend" who at one point in the relationship had eavesdropped on the other's email. We are not alone in this story. According to a survey conducted last year by antivirus software company Avast, one in five men and one in four women checked the other half's smartphone. Meanwhile, a 2013 survey by McAfee found that 49 percent of people regularly checked on their partner's email. In these times, when checking Instagram and Facebook is called fair play, isn't normal email tapping done?

For a couple, reading their partner's emails is part of a silent affair between the two. "He gave me the password he uses for everything," she says. "I'm sure he knows I control everything and I have no problem he checks my accounts online." Another editor admitted that she was eavesdropping, not because she suspected her husband, but because it was a way to understand her better. "He does not talk to me about many things. I read some of his emails to understand. It's an altruistic eavesdropping. " 

Part of our staff was convincingly against eavesdropping and many of them believed that even if you trust your partner, if you check often, you will find something. "My friend found an email with a photo that she thought was not her boyfriend's nephew, so she clicked, but it turned out to be a photo of her engagement ring," said one journalist. "The worst part of all this was that he didn't like it." For months, whenever they went out for dinner or fled the city, she thought he would propose to them. After eight months, he told her and luckily with another ring. Another editor had similarly revealed that her boyfriend was making plans of the proposal in emails, but she could not stay without saying anything. "I ended up telling him in the middle of a big fight," she said. "I felt so bad that I decided to be honest."

Nëse të zbulosh planet e ardhshme për fejesë është e papërshtatshme, të zbulosh diçka të shëmtuar është edhe më keq akoma. Mikja e një prej redaktoreve tona zbuloi që i dashuri i kishte dërguar shoqes së saj, një email me nota negative për atë vetë. Vazhdimisht mendonte t’ia thoshte, por nuk e bëri. “Thjesht i thashë asaj që nëse ai do shikonte inbox-in tim do gjente shumë emaile dhe biseda në Googlechat rreth tij,” tha ajo.

Sa për artin e përgjimit, kam mësuar që ka disa mundësi për të kontrolluar tjetrin në vend që të kontrollosh emailin e tij. “Shumica e  iPad-eve dhe iPhone-eve janë connected, kështu që është e lehtë të shohësh mesazhet e tij nëse ia merr hua një herë iPad-in,” na tha një asistent. Një tjetër nga të rinjtë në staf na dha një tutorial si të përdorim vjedhurazi shërbimet e vendndodhjes së telefonit për të vërtetuar nëse tjetri po tregon apo jo të vërtetën për vendet ku ndodhet. Për të mirën e gjithë marrëdhënieve, nuk po e jap këtu atë informacion!

Ata që kanë qenë në anën tjetër të barazimit, të përgjuarit, nëse do t’i quajmë kështu, janë bërë të ndërgjegjshëm për të ndaluar sytë kureshtarë. Rregullat bazë janë këto: Mos sinkronizo pajisjen tënde elektronike, hiq message preview nga settings e telefonit, mos përdor të njëtin kod për pajisje të ndryshme dhe asnjëherë mos harro të log out nga llogaritë e tua elektronike.

But at the end of the roundtable discussion, we agreed as cynics that, regardless of the measures you will take, there will be someone to check your email. "I leave nothing important in writing," said one of our fashion editors, a lesson we should probably all follow after the leak from Sony. "Everything that is online is not private," added someone else. "Either your twin soul, or a North Korean hacker, is reading your information."

By an editor of Vogue magazine