Anyone who's ever been in love can tell you how it feels, but, uh...only when that love is reciprocated.
But when is it not? That, my friends, is called unrequited love , and if it's with a colleague or a friend who never sees you as *more* than friends, it's pretty heartbreaking. If you've ever experienced that feeling of desire, so hard you think you're going to burst, you probably know how painful the situation can be.
"At its core, unrequited love is a love that is not reciprocated from one person to another," explains Leanna Stockard, LMFT, a therapist at LifeStance Health. "A person either has stronger feelings for the other or no feeling at all from the other."
Clinical psychologist Monica Vermani, PsyD, says this love imbalance can cause "tremendous emotional turmoil" and can make someone feel anxious, depressed, stressed, and unworthy, if not ideal.
And even though unrequited love sounds a lot like intense despair, it's usually much stronger because there are real feelings… on one side, at least.
The good news is, unrequited love is very common.
Most of us have been attracted to or had feelings for someone who didn't feel the same way about us. It's something many of us experience at one point or another. So you are not alone :)
Is it true love?
While experiencing unrequited love can make you feel like you're in a romance novel, the truth is that these feelings can be more accurately described as longing or obsession. Even if you think you know everything there is to know about them, you may not actually know them well enough to really fall in love.
Why?
"When love is mutual, there is balance, give and take, shared intimacy, trust, mutual transparency (meaning lack of secrecy) and commitment that grows over time," Vermani explains.
Many people experience unrequited love at a point in their lives—usually in their teens—when they're figuring themselves out and discovering what traits they value in a potential partner. So, in general, unrequited love isn't inherently bad, but it becomes unhealthy when it's left unchecked, gets in the way of your well-being, or becomes a pattern.
