What to say when you don't know what to say?

Do you ever have those moments when someone says something that leaves you speechless? Your brain feels numb, your tongue feels tied and you just don't know what to say?

Maybe later you think about what you could have said or wish you had said. And you have gone to the stage of feeling bad, because you did not react in the right way.

Many people feel like a deer in headlights when someone says something that feels hurtful or out of left field. Without a prepared comeback, we can be speechless.

The following statements and questions can help you better prepare for those challenging moments in conversation. As you read the list, if one or more statements make sense to you, consider making a note of them.

Why do you ask this question?

What do you hope will happen now?

I need to take some time to think about it.

This won't work for me.

I know I agreed to do this, but I changed my mind. I'm very sorry.

I understand why you feel that way. I hope you try to understand why I feel this way.

what do you need from me now?

What you have to say is important to me, but it's getting lost in the way you say it.

I wonder if you would be willing to lower your voice because I really want to hear what you have to say, but I can't think straight with the way you're telling me.

If you can't keep your voice down, I'm going to have to stop this conversation even though I'd really like to hear what you have to say.

I feel very strong emotions about what you just said and I don't want to react harshly, so I would like to take some time before I respond.

I'm curious what your point is with what you're saying?

It is very difficult for me to say this, but I want to say that __________.

I'm not sure what to do at this point because I asked you to stop and you keep doing this…

I need to ask for a change in the way we talk or how we are with each other and I hope you are ready for this too.

I realize that I have been holding something inside for a while that I would like to share. I had to take time to figure out how to say it more respectfully.

Thank you for telling me what you feel and need. I will try never to do or say that again.