In our culture, the word love has almost lost its meaning. There is a very interesting story about a rabbi who meets a young man who is enjoying a plate of fish that he is eating. And he asks him, 'Why are you eating that fish?' And the young man replies, 'Because I like fish.' Oh, you like fish and that's why you took it out of the water and boiled it?! Don't tell me you love fish, you love yourself.
And since the fish tastes good to you, that's why you took it out of the water, killed it, and boiled it. Much of what is love is fish love. A young boy and a young girl fall in love. What does that mean? It means that this young boy saw in this girl someone who could fulfill all of his physical and emotional needs, and she saw in this boy someone who could do the same for her. And that was love.
But in fact, everyone is looking for their own needs. This is not love for the other person. If the other person becomes a means for my pleasure...this is fish love, it is not love. An external love is not what I will give and what I will receive. It is wrong to think that you give to that person you love.
The real answer is that you love those to whom you give. Which means that if I give you something, it means that I have invested myself in you. And since self-love is a given...everyone loves themselves, so the part of me that was given to you is the part of you that I love. True love is a love that gives, not a love that takes.
