Divorce is a complex process that affects not only the couple who are separating, but also the children — often in ways that are not immediately apparent. When anger and hurt take over, some actions that seem to be directed at the partner actually hurt the emotional world of the children. The article identifies eight practices that parents should avoid to protect the well-being of their children during and after the separation process.

1. Lack of time for each other 

Stopping contact or visitation with children as a form of revenge against an ex-partner is a mistake that directly affects the child — he or she has done nothing to deserve punishment.

2. Non-payment of financial support

When a parent refuses to pay for their child, whatever the justification, the child interprets the absence as a sign that they are not worthy of being taken care of. This psychological damage is very deep.

3. Humiliating your ex-partner in front of your children

Speaking badly about the other parent in the presence of the child creates important dilemmas: the child feels forced to choose a side and believes that you also think badly of them.

4. Criticizing your partner's family

Children share the love for grandparents and the family of all their parents. To insult their judgments is to insult them and destroy the bonds they want to maintain.

5. Negative comparisons

“You’re just like your mother” or “You’re just like your father” — these comparisons are a blow to the child’s identity. He feels like he’s being judged and that he can’t be himself without facing criticism.

6. Asking the child to become an “information distributor”

You often hear "tell me what he's going to do" — this puts the child in the position of transmitting conflicts, which makes them part of the parents' struggle.

7. Feeling guilty about their positive lives

When a child behaves well with their ex-parent and shares happy moments, the other parent may blame them for this – as if it were a betrayal. This makes the child think that their happiness is wrong.

8. Selective “forgetfulness” to avoid evil

Refusing to call or spend time just because you don't want to face your ex-partner is the most disappointing act: the child feels that the priority is not them, but the conflict you have.

In a breakup crisis, energy often shifts to hatred and the desire to fight. But at the end of the day, the main goal should still be the child — not letting anger toward the ex-partner take over, leaving emotional devastation behind. Change begins when parents do some introspection and choose lasting love over revenge.

Photo by Alena Darmel:

https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-couple-having-a-conversation-6642995/