At a time when all my single friends during this period may have been sad because of the loneliness they felt even more, I am on the opposite ship. I am happily married to someone after whom I leave my head.
Of course, this long period inside the house is difficult, but I am really grateful for a man like him. We watch TV together, do our chores during the day, and, fortunately, recreate at night. We have each other to talk to, so we are comfortable all the time. The only thing we're not doing? Sex.
My single girlfriends have no chance of making a connection during this time, so they are angry with me for it - it seems to them that, if they could, they would definitely have sex. But I don’t, and I know this thing is affecting my marriage.
Sex has always been an interesting challenge in my marriage. My husband has a much higher sexual "guide" than I do, but over the years, we have found a rhythm that works for both of us. For now, the issue seems a bit complicated. When your spouse is stressed, sex is a fun way to get rid of it. But I am quite the opposite. When I'm anxious or stressed, libido is the first thing that "escapes." For me, anxiety makes you nervous most of the time, so I don’t want anyone close to me most of the time when I feel that way.
My husband and I are currently healthy, but we are also both immunocompromised, so the fear of illness and death is real and present. What if one of us encounters the virus in a grocery store or on a walk? Then I worry about other things too. Our work is stable now, but what if something changes? What if a family member became infected with the virus? I love my husband more than anything in the world, but the fear I have of what might happen to one of us is so profound that it causes me anxiety that does not leave me alone.
Of course, I have also done things that make me feel good: physical activity every day, following a healthy diet, meditating and sunbathing almost every day. We are keeping the house tidy, but we are also following the normal working hours. However, I have a lot of sleep problems. It seems impossible for me to relax and every night, when I lie down, I start playing all the scenarios of the worst cases in terms of what will happen next. This means that when it is time to go to bed, when I can have sex naturally, I feel anxious and so I withdraw.
I know this is difficult for my husband. I know he feels good about physical touch and he knows sex matters to the opposite sex. I am ready to accept this and I am trying to make this situation more active, but it is still difficult. My therapist has told me that every client has had this problem these weeks, almost every client of hers admits that sex life has not been good at this time. It made me feel better when I learned that I wasn’t the only one.
I know this means a lot to my husband, I'm trying to meet his needs with a lot of love, and even other ways, like TV together, hand-to-hand walking and dismissal for a hug and a kiss. . My husband and I also do a lot of verbal checks about our marriage, we discuss how things are going, what we are afraid of, and how we feel. He helps me communicate what I think is most important.
This is not forever, and my feelings about sex will change. Right now I’m trying, being patient and being honest with her. He knows I love him, even when I'm not communicating sexually.