In real life, a new partner, even one you really like, can be difficult, uncomfortable, or otherwise… not good… in bed.
But that doesn't necessarily mean it can't get much better.
We're not talking about sex that's bad because it doesn't respect your boundaries. (There are no second chances in this situation.)
To help you figure out if your unsatisfactory experience was just a roadblock to a much more enjoyable relationship, we've got some tips from Chamin Ajjan, a Brooklyn-based cognitive behavioral therapist and board-certified sex therapist. what to do if sex with a new partner leaves much to be desired.
Detach yourself from excessive thoughts
The problem is, setting your expectations too high can set you up for potential failure, says Ajjan. If your first relationship was, uh, not great, she recommends asking yourself: Did I experience that moment or was I focusing on the experience I created in my mind?
Focus on your senses by paying attention to what you are hearing, smelling, tasting and feeling. This mindful approach to sex can increase your pleasure by making it a wonderful sensory experience where you are more in sync with your partner.
Be clear about what you both want in bed.
"Bad sex is often just a case of failure in communication ," says Ajjan.
Communication with a sexual partner can be verbal or non-verbal. Instead of telling him what you didn't like, try to share with him what you do like.
Remember that sex is supposed to be fun!
Having sex should be fun and not a burden. We tend to worry about pleasing our partner, obsess over how we look, etc. Of course, it can be awkward if the sex was bad the first time, but remember that your partner (or you) may have been nervous, or perhaps worried about what you were thinking or feeling.
Source: Self
