Two people who have strong chemistry but end their relationship due to other life circumstances are more likely to experience sex at the *wrong time*.
Is sex with your ex a good idea?
Short answer: It depends. A spontaneous night with an ex can seem appealing, but it also has its drawbacks, says Chicago-based psychotherapist Jennifer Klesman, LCSW. author of You Can't Stay There: Surviving a Breakup one moment at a time. "Sometimes, an ex really just wants to hook up, is still confused, or is going to use you for sex, and that can lead to the potential to get hurt again," she explains. "It can make you feel used, vulnerable and rejected."
We have some personal experiences from Cosmopolitan:
About a week after our breakup, my ex and I got together. I had the impression that it was the last time and it felt like parting sex - all obstacles disappeared, no need to hide anything, phenomenal. We are still together casually from time to time. We were doing more experiments and games after the breakup, and honestly, it's been a really fun road for both of us. It turns out we're not on the same page about our future, but we're still very close and consider ourselves soul mates.” —Laura*, 33
“I was with my ex for just under a year and found out halfway through that he was cheating on his long-term partner with me and that they had a child together. I felt super guilty about breaking up a family, but eventually we broke up after I found out he was cheating on me too. There were many red flags that I ignored because I fell in love. About six weeks after the breakup, I found out that he and the girl he had been cheating on with had also broken up. I was depressed, lonely and still in love. I thought I could change it. We slept together and I immediately knew I had made a bad choice. He didn't even want to kiss me afterwards. I felt very bad. I couldn't stop vomiting. My body was literally rejecting him, and finally, I was self-aware enough to listen. We never spoke again." -Isabel, 27
“Unë dhe ish-i im kemi kaluar një ndarje të vështirë pas 10 vjetësh lidhje, por duhej të ndodhte. Ishte një lidhje traumatike. 2 vite pas ndarjes u takuam dhe doja të dija se ende mund ta kem atë sa herë të dua, dhe e arrita. Kjo ishte gjithçka që më duhej.” —Julie*, 33
“Unë dhe bashkëshorti im filluam të takoheshim në shkollën e mesme, u ndamë në kolegj, por filluam të takoheshim fshehurazi pas ndarjes. Tani, ne jemi të lumtur të martuar me një fëmijë! Në atë kohë, e dija se isha rehat me të dhe definitivisht e zgjodha atë" -Stefi, 29 vjeç
"At first, it was great - I was always happy with it. But after a year I found out that she had cheated on me with her ex. I forgave him and our relationship continued, but I was never the same afterwards. We broke up, and three days later I begged her for one last goodbye sex. A month later I told him that even if he used me for sex, it didn't matter because I still loved him more than my life. I thought I would change her mind to give us another shot. On what would have been our third anniversary, we talked, had sex, and both cried before we finished because our emotions were so strong...I don't even know what we want" - Shansi, 23